lonely?

it can be lonely in dog skin supplements your own brain - when you finally realize that no one else is responsible for your thoughts - we've been programmed to believe everything we've been programmed to believe...personal responsibility for what you think is almost impossible, but personal responsibility to how you act on those thoughts is everything. when i found out i was dealing with OCD i believed that every bad thought was unique and my own - what i didn't know is that a large percentage of the population has thoughts of running their car into a tree - most don't do it...i'm not nuts. damn, that would've been fun and interesting.

they say that people with OCD fixate on these thoughts and can't decipher their importance - the thoughts get stuck and won't shift into the next part of the brain. lovely. i thought medicine would work, therapy, you name it, i tried it. what i didn't try was to beat it myself.

as cheesy as it may sound, Barthes helps me understand, even further, that being an impartial advisor to myself will help with these thoughts. i realized while writing this that i give my tormented brain fuel because it is pleasurable in some masochistic way - it's safe.

well, i'm sick of it and i don't feel so alone anymore thanks to this french philosopher - merci beaucoups!